In the realm of women’s psychology, it is important to research and discuss the slightly tabooer topics; one of those topics is the female orgasm. The origin and importance of the female orgasm has been strongly neglected throughout patriarchal history. Freud claimed that it was a sign of immaturity if a woman could not orgasm through vaginal penetration. He said that the clitoral orgasm was inferior to and childish compared to the vaginal orgasm. The public’s belief of this theory was, and continues to be, extremely damaging to the psyche of women who are unable to orgasm through penile-vaginal penetration alone. In fact, the majority of women (~70%) reveal that they usually do not orgasm during intercourse . Men, on the other hand, orgasm during intercourse almost all of the time. An explanation for this can be attributed to the fact that intercourse more closely mirrors masturbation in men but does not mirror masturbation for most women. It is much more common for women to orgasm through means of manual clitoral stimulation. “Less than 5% of women report masturbating using vaginal stimulation alone." Since it is more uncommon for women to orgasm through penile-vaginal penetration than it is through external clitoral stimulation, this could explain why lesbians are three times more likely than heterosexual women to have an orgasm during sex.
Many research studies have suggested that there is a large discrepancy between the frequency of male and female orgasms during partnered sex. This has been referred to as the “orgasm gap." Some people claim that the lack of orgasms in women during sex is largely a feminist issue. In 1970, a researcher asserted that, “advocacy for women’s clitoral orgasms was crucial in so far as it decentered the male subject and placed greater importance on women’s anatomy." The manner in which sex is talked about and portrayed in media, such as in pornography, is much more focused on the importance of the male orgasm. For example, one study that analyzed Pornhub’s fifty most viewed videos of all time found that “only 18.3% of women compared to 78% of men were shown reaching orgasm." This study suggested that the representation of orgasms in porn may perpetuate the idea that the male orgasm is central to heterosexual intercourse and that the female orgasm is unimportant.
In a study that looked at the strategies women use to rationalize their lack of orgasms during intercourse, three themes arose: 1) What’s the big deal?; 2) It’s just biology; and 3) Not now, but someday. The first theme, “what’s the big deal”, included responses from women who believed that it was not that important to them to have an orgasm during sex. The researchers inferred that part of this reasoning may be due to the societal idea that men’s orgasms are more important than women’s orgasms. The second theme, “it’s just biology”, included responses from women such as “it’s harder for women to have orgasms." The researchers agreed with the idea that women’s orgasms are more reliant on psychological factors rather than physiological factors, but that the lack of education and communication about the female orgasm is also a powerful influence on the absence of female orgasms. The third theme that the researchers found was “not now, but someday.” This theme included responses along the lines of, “when I become more confident and comfortable with my body, I will be able to orgasm.” This theme points out another key factor as to why women may struggle coming to climax during sex; societal expectations for women to conform to certain beauty standards has damaged many women’s ability to feel confident in their own bodies. Mary Crawford writes that, “the idealized standards that surround us today are unattainable by live women." Crawford also discusses the way in which body image and social comparison affect women’s perception of themselves. When women are constantly being shown unrealistic bodies and expected to attain those body standards, they are likely to feel more insecure, which can relate to difficulties in situations such as sex. Crawford cites a study that looked at the relationship between self-pleasuring and body satisfaction; they found that the women with higher reported body satisfaction often self-pleasured more often than women with lower body satisfaction. Insecurity and lack of body confidence likely has a major influence on the inability for many women to orgasm.
Some research in the field of human sexuality has inquired that the presence of orgasms is important for a women’s health. Many medical professionals consider the lack of orgasms as a sexual dysfunction. This dysfunction is even classified in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). There are some treatments for the lack of orgasms, which include both pharmaceutical and behavioral treatments. One of the behavioral treatments for women’s orgasmic dysfunction is trying to “transfer” orgasms through masturbation to orgasms during intercourse by doing sexual activities that more closely mimic women’s masturbation. The fact that the lack of orgasms is defined as a sexual dysfunction may be both damaging and helpful to women. It may be harmful in that it makes women feel like there is something psychologically wrong with them because they cannot reach climax during intercourse. Some women may feel alienated by this and it could possibly make them feel more insecure. Categorizing lack of orgasms in the DSM may also be seen as helpful to women because it places emphasis on the fact that women should be having orgasms. Being diagnosed with a sexual dysfunction may prompt women to seek help and determine the reasons why she is experiencing this. There are many reasons why women may lack orgasms during intercourse, whether it be physically, physiologically, and/or psychologically related. There are experts in the field of sex therapy who specialize in helping women with these issues.
Something that has been commonly portrayed in the media and that is prevalent in our culture is the occurrence of women faking orgasms. Why do women do this? This question has been researched to an extent and the results have shown that the most prominent reason why women fake having orgasms is for the sake of the man’s ego. Two researchers found that, “women’s orgasms functioned as a masculinity achievement for men, with men reporting greater feelings of sexual esteem and masculinity when they imagined a female partner having an orgasm during a sexual encounter with them." The fact that many women fake having orgasms when having sex with men, in order to boost the man’s self-confidence, is a feminist issue within itself. Results of a study by Salisbury and Fisher indicated that women were afraid to ask men for clitoral stimulation during sex because they thought it would damage his self-esteem. This assumption of many women is likely caused by a combination of sexual scripts and lack of sex education in both men and women. The sexual script theory, proposed by Simon and Gagnon, argues that, “sexuality is neither entirely biologically nor socially based, but rather is understood as a scripted practice arising from the interaction of various sociocultural factors and biological conditions." This theory can be used to explain why many women refrain from asking for clitoral stimulation; the sexual scripts they see in pornography and through other cultural means hardly ever include this. Crawford cites a study that looks at sexual scripts and how, “men [are] depicted as wild, aggressive, and animalistic in their sexuality, whereas women [are] advised to be coy, indirect, and focused on the man’s pleasure. Also, most sex education taught in schools does not go into detail about the function of the clitoris and its importance in the occurrence of the female orgasm. Crawford states that, “faking arousal, pleasure, and orgasm may become so ingrained that the women may not be able to distinguish between her own sexual desire and her desire to please."
Instead of women asking/demanding men to pleasure them in a way that actually causes them to orgasm, women have instead been conditioned to pretend like they are being fulfilled when they are not. This complacency is a common pattern caused by the patriarchal structure of our society; it is a way for men to be selfish and powerful, while still feeling like they are doing a good deed. Faking orgasms needs to stop if women are to be empowered and take a stand against the patriarchal scripts of sex that have been ingrained in many of us. One major solution to the issue of the orgasm gap can be found through sex education. The majority of schools in the U.S. do not have comprehensive sex education. Most of the information taught in sex education revolves around the avoidance of getting pregnant and transmitting STIs. Crawford shares a quote that reads:
The naming of desire, pleasure, or sexual entitlement, particularly for females, barely exists in the formal agenda of public schooling on sexuality. When spoken, it is tagged with reminders of “consequences” --- emotional, physical, moral, reproductive, and/or financial. . . A genuine discourse of desire would invite adolescents to explore what feels good and bad, desirable and undesirable, grounded in experiences, needs, and limits.
It is extremely important for women to be taught that they have sexual agency over their own bodies and sexuality. If women are not taught that sex can be as pleasurable for them as it is for men, this takes away from their experience as humans. What is the harm in teaching about the biological function and location of the clitoris? I am optimistic that we are becoming more progressive in our ideas about sexuality and that many men would rather have a woman be pleasured during intercourse rather than faking it. Crawford introduces the term “sex subjectivity” to explain sexuality from a feminist perspective. She draws upon three important components of sex subjectivity: 1) Awareness of one’s own sexual desires and responses; 2) A belief that one is entitled to sexual pleasure; and 3) The ability to stand up for one’s sexual safety and sexual pleasure. These components are crucial for a woman coming to terms with her sexuality and loving her body.
Another solution to tackle the orgasm gap is to change the way we talk about sex and the way sex is portrayed in pornography and the media. Currently in our society, the words we use to describe sex are often misleading and demeaning to women. Crawford writes that, “Slang words for sexual intercourse (ramming, banging, and nailing) suggest that it is something violent and mechanical done to women rather than a mutual pleasure." When we talk about sex in this way, it creates an atmosphere in which women feel like sex is something that is done to them rather than something they can actively participate in and enjoy. It is also important that we strive towards changing the way sex is portrayed in the media and in porn. In one study that looked at “pornoscripts”, which are “prescriptive set of performances and camera shots that have gradually become a staple of pornographic visual production,” researchers found that the “pornoscripts” usually included “close-up shots of fetishized female body parts (e.g. vulva, anus, breasts), as well as symbolic and physical evidence of male sexual pleasure (e.g. a penis ejaculating)”. When pornography is dominated by these types of scripts, the men and women consumers of porn internalize them, and the scripts are transferred to partnered sex. Changing the entire porn industry would be a difficult task, however, what we can do is educate people about the unrealistic and misleading scripts involved with pornography. It is important that young people are aware that pornography is fantasy and should not necessarily be applied to sex in real life.
A third solution to diminishing the orgasm gap can be found through feminist therapy and sex therapy. If women are struggling with achieving an orgasm, talking to a therapist who is well-versed in feminist and sexual issues may be beneficial. “Feminist therapists encourage their clients to seek relief through social change." By learning about the societal impact on women’s perception of their bodies and sexuality, women may be able to pinpoint exactly what is causing them to lack orgasms. As stated earlier, lacking orgasms is characterized as a sexual dysfunction in the DSM. However, if women are able to become aware that this sexual dysfunction may be resolved by becoming more educated, more demanding, and more confident, many women’s “dysfunctions” may diminish. Men can also benefit by talking to a feminist/sex therapist, especially if he is having issues pleasing his partner. Many men could learn a lot by looking at sex through the lens of women and they would likely become better sexual partners, which would likely strengthen their physical and emotional relationships with women.
A final, and very important, solution to decreasing the orgasm gap is increasing sexual communication and becoming more comfortable as a society discussing sex and sexual issues. As seen in the study done by Salisbury and Fisher, there are many disconnects between men and women in regard to sex. Men often overestimate the amount of pleasure a woman is receiving through sexual intercourse and women often shy away from asking for increased clitoral stimulation. If men and women were to talk more openly about their pleasures and desires of sex, both parties would likely be more satisfied overall. The researchers speculate that if women were aware that clitoral stimulation actually arouses a majority of men, “their comfort with asking for and engaging in such stimulation (if desired) would increase, which would, in turn, increase the likelihood of their experiencing orgasm in a partnered context." Talking about sex can be uncomfortable, but the benefits of doing so far outweighs the brief feeling of awkwardness.
The issue of the orgasm gap is a difficult one to tackle because of its taboo status in our culture. It is rare to come across people who are comfortable talking about their experience with orgasms. One reason this topic grabbed my attention was because I took a Human Sexuality course a few years ago and we did an anonymous in-class survey about how many people had experienced an orgasm. The class was 90% women, and to my surprise, the majority of the women in the class had never had an orgasm in their life. This shocked me and so I began becoming more invested in why this was the case. After talking to a few of my close friends, I learned that many of them had also never experienced an orgasm. As a future sex therapist and sex educator, I hope to be able to raise awareness of this topic and encourage women to begin demanding pleasure during sex. Sex should not be exclusively focused on a man’s pleasure, as it has been throughout almost all of history. The orgasm gap is a feminist issue as well as a cultural and psychological phenomenon. Women have been told that sexual pleasure and sexual desire belong to men. We can no longer let men have this power over us. Stop faking orgasms. Start demanding them.
References
Baldo, M., Aggleton, P., Slutkin, G. (1993). Does sex education lead to earlier or increased sexual activity in youth? Retrieved from https://www.popline.org/node/338093
Bell, S. N., & McClelland, S. I. (2017). When, if, and how: Young women contend with orgasmic absence. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(6). doi: 10.1080/00224499.2017.1384443
Crawford, M. (2012). Transformations: Women, gender, & psychology. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.
National Conference of State Legislatures. (2016). State policies on sex education in schools. Retrieved from http://www.ncsl.org/research/health/state-policies-on-sex-education-in-schools.aspx
Prause, N., Kuang, L., & Lee, P. (2016). Clitorally stimulated orgasms are associated with better control of sexual desire, and not associated with depression or anxiety, compared with vaginally stimulated orgasms. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 13(11). doi: 10.1016/j.jsxm.2016.08.014
Salisbury, C. M. A., & Fisher, W. A. (2013). “Did you come?” A qualitative exploration of gender differences in beliefs, experiences, and concerns regarding female orgasm occurrence during heterosexual sexual interactions. The Journal of Sex Research, 51(6). doi: 10.1080/00224499.2013.838934
Seguin, L., Rodrigue, C., & Lavigne, J. (2017). Consuming ecstasy: Representations of male and female orgasm in mainstream pornography. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(3), 1-9. doi: 10.1080/00224499.2017.1332152
Shirazi, T., Renfro, K. J., Lloyd, E., & Wallen, K. (2017). Women’s experience of orgasm during intercourse: Question semantics affect women’s reports and men’s estimates of orgasm occurrence. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47(3). doi: 10.1007/s10508-017-1102-6